Gordon Smart on Noel Gallagher's milestone 50th bash, the "best birthday" party ever

29 May 2020, 16:22 | Updated: 18 June 2020, 12:28

By Gordon Smart

@gordonsmart

As Noel Gallagher celebrates his 53rd birthday, Gordon Smart remembers the Oasis legend's epic 50th bash in his latest Isolation Diaries.

HERE WE! HERE WE! HERE WE F****** GO!

Week 13 of Lockdown for this dishevelled Radio X forgotten man. And in the words of Kasabian, and much like the elasticated waistband in my Kappa tracky bottoms, “get loose, get loose!!”  

I’ve gone feral. My only helpful skills appear to be loading and unloading a dishwasher, cutting grass and ticking off Netflix documentaries.

But it feels like the time is approaching where we will have the chance to show our true talent in one of the most important disciplines - celebrating. 

READ MORE: Gordon Smart on how the strangest things will give you "festival flashbacks"

Not for a second am I glossing over the horrendous events of the past three months, we’re well aware of them. But this diary is a distraction, so please come with me for five minutes of daydreaming in happier times.

By now a lot of you will have seen a big occasion slip by in lockdown or missed the chance to rip the wrapper off it at a pal’s birthday, wedding or engagement.

I turned 40 (I know, that’s hard to believe eh?) at the end of March and it probably means I’ve extended my life span by five years in missing the inevitable tear-up. I had a bottle of Irn Bru and some salt’n’vinegar Chipsticks with a bacon roll, in case you were wondering. That was the extent of my milestone celebrations.

But it did get me thinking about the best birthday party I’ve ever been to, and how it has rendered every other birthday bash obsolete for the rest of time because nothing will ever live up to it.

Three years ago to the day, me and my wife Kate went for a three day festival at Aynhoe Park in Oxfordshire to mark the half-century of Mr Noel Gallagher. The great man is 53 years young today (29 May) - Happy Birthday Mr Big. And there are few people on planet earth who know how to enjoy themselves better than Noely G. 

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A week or so after that monumental tear-up, we all received a link for a highlights video set to the incredible New Radicals anthem, You Get What You Give. 

Every time that song comes on, it takes me right back to that weekend - a Narcos-themed gig and a week-long recovery afterwards. 

A huge flag was draped behind the decks in the main room of Noel mocked-up as El Presidente with a big cigar in his mouth.

The Cuban Brothers performed, and if you’ve never seen Miguelito Mantovani and his pals, you’ve got to make a point of it when they get back on the road. 

I was standing next to Bono at the time and he asked me “Are these lads actually Cuban?” I had the pleasure of explaining to Bono that Mikey Keats aka Miguelito is actually from Penicuik, near Edinburgh.

Then there was the bit where Madonna showed up, and danced to Like A Virgin, with the birthday boy. Not many folk can say that’s happened after the candles have been blown out.

It was an unbelievable turnout - Johnny Marr, Kate Moss, Michael Fassbender, Chrissie Hynde, Lily James, Matt Smith, Poppy Delevinge, Sergio Pizzorno, Sir Bob Geldof and Scully his mate from Manchester of course. He was the most popular man there.

My pal Turts was having a bit of a disco nap at one point and had the pleasure of Bono singing a capella versions of his new tunes to a banjo’d Woody H. 

I spoke to Mani from The Roses for about three hours at a snooker table and have absolutely no idea what was said. 

I have three pictures from the weekend (two more than the grainy rubbish one I had from his 40th birthday party). 
In one, Noel is wearing a fez. In another he’s wearing a silk dressing gown in Manchester City colours with his name embroidered on the back.

But I thought this one would be the best to share - and a reminder to be careful this weekend if you are getting together for a sherry or three. 

As we left on the Sunday (or was it Monday?) this bowl was left on the table on the way out…

Have a great weekend. Behave responsibly. Just like Noel, eh?

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