Jeremy Clarkson suffered "smashed testicles" after being attacked by cow on farm
4 January 2022, 14:13
The Clarkson's Farm star recalled how he sustained the eye watering injury while he was attempted to herd his cows into a new barn.
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Jeremy Clarkson suffered "smashed testicles" after being attacked by one of his cows.
The Clarkson's Farm star sustained the injury while attempting to herd farmyard animals into a brand-new barn he forked out £175,000 on to house them over the winter months.
Taking to his column in The Sunday Times, he wrote: "I had a plastic bag full of cow treats, which I rattled to let the beasts know that food was in the offing, but as they’re pasture-fed, they had no interest in my nutty snacks. One of them, though, did have an interest in killing me.
"It’s said a cow cannot kick backwards but I can testify to the fact that this isn’t true. A cow can kick in any direction. They are like Bruce Lee, only more deadly and determined because, having failed to connect with her hoofs, she went for another tack - putting her head between my legs and then raising it smartly.
"This worked well and immediately I was on my knees in the mud with crossed eyes, trying to push the cow away. This, it turns out, is impossible. It’s like trying to push Westminster Abbey."
The former Top Gear presenter added: "I think this was the lowest point in my farming career to date. Being attacked by a cow while on my knees, in the mud, in a storm, with smashed testicles. And all so I can make beef for a restaurant that I probably won’t be allowed to open. I was very miserable."
It's not the first time that Clarkson has suffered from a painful injury related to his farm.
Last month, the 61-year-old revealed how he sliced off part of his thumb in a gruesome kitchen accident while making chilli-flavoured crisps with a mandolin while with his girlfriend Lisa Hogan.
"You slide the potato along it and the razor-sharp blade takes a slice off the bottom," recalled Clarkson. "Then you slide it again and it takes another. And you keep doing this, with much vigour, until eventually your thumb is in the firing line and it take a slice off that. A big slice. A crisp-sized slice.
"Lisa noticed that under the mandolin, among the slices of potato, there was a piece of meat.
"It was like a miniature pork chop, about 2cm long, 1cm wide and 3mm thick. And, yes, it was half my thumb."
However, Clarkson went on to feel a very painful burning sensation when his partner reached out to stop the bleeding but hadn't washed her hands first!
He revealed: "Now, you may know that a chilli that scores a record 2.2 million on the Scoville scale can cause a fair bit of irritation when taken orally, but this is nothing compared with what it does when it’s applied to an open wound, along with a dash of salt for extra agony. You may have heard the scream from where you were. Even if you were in Stuttgart.”
Going into detail about the problems his thumb injury had caused, Clarkson added: "I can't do up button-flied trousers. I can't open a door. I can't sign my name and I can't even wipe my bottom."