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Sometimes the course of true love doesn't always go to plan. Especially if you use any of these perplexing and occasionally nauseating lyrics as your calling card.
"No matter where I roam / I will return to my English Rose / For no bonds / Can ever tempt me from she." Paul Weller almost sinks this lovely song with some terrible grammar.
"She's electric / She's in a family full of eccentrics / She done things I never expected." Such as, Liam?
"But a song about love's not enough / So what do you want / What are you needing?" Mr Bugg kind of cancels his own song out here.
"There were times when I could have strangled her / But you know I would hate anything to happen to her." Make your mind up, Moz. Kitchen sink drama goes a step too far.
"You / Your sex is on fire." We're either talking the heat of passion, or something that needs a trip to the chemist.
"One of these days when you sit by yourself / You'll realise you can't shaft without someone else." Would Ian Curtis have sung this line? Doubtful.
"You hit me once I hit you back / You gave a kick I gave a slap / You smashed a plate / Over my head / Then I set fire to our bed." Ms Welch explained that this was NOT about domestic abuse, but rather an attempt to picture love as a destructive force. Not the greatest of first dates, one imagines.
"She may contain the urge to run away / But hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks." Why you shouldn't go on a date with Alt-J.
"We're apin' rapin' tapin' catharsis / You get torn down and get erected / My blood is working but my, my heart is / Dead." Black Francis retells the story of Samson and Delilah with this unforgettable image. Eeew.
"I've got something to put in you!" Dick Valentine's supremely crass punchline to this camp classic.
'There's a new game / We like to play you see / A game with added reality / You treat me like a dog / Get me down on my knees / We call it master and servant." The Mode bring S&M to the mainstream. The mainstream says: "No, thanks."
"I feel like love is in the kitchen with a culinary eye / I think he's making something special and I'm smart enough to try." A particularly weird metaphor here. What's he making? Toast? A sandwich? Cake? A Pot Noodle? Answers on a postcard.
"Touching you, touching me / touching you, God you're touching me." Alright! We get the picture, Justin.
“She was a catch / We were a match I was the match that would fire up her snatch." Nick's rhyming dictionary in a head-on collision with good old Aussie crudity.
“I did it all for the nookie / The nookie / So you can take that cookie and stick it up your yeah / Stick it up your yeah." You stay away from my "yeah", Fred Durst.
"Love - the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket." We could have put the whole lyric in there, to be honest.
"A simple prop to occupy my time." Not the glowing words of affection that we expect from love songs.
"And I met a girl / She asked me my name / I told her what it was." Meanwhile, over at the Johnny Borrell Charm School: how to make a great first impression.
"You got me to hitch my knees up / And pulled my legs apart / You took an instamatic camera / And pulled my sleeves around my heart." Stephen Jones with an everyday tale of suburban sleaze.